«I remember that as a child, the typical gift for fathers was a handmade clay ashtray. An ashtray, how curious…». Father’s Day has barely changed but fathers are starting to adapt to the new times, like 48-year-old Tenerife resident José Luis Conde López, whose two daughters Leire and Aroa do not give him ashtrays as he did when he was young.
Father’s Day remains a commercial day with no deeper meaning than launching specific gifts for fathers, mostly related to perfumes, wines, or liquors. This year’s celebrations in the different municipalities of Tenerife have been based on that, on commercial campaigns with discounts and extra gifts.
There is no further content. There have barely been any other special activities on the island for this date that falls on Tuesday, March 19 dedicated to fathers. There is only one thing, but it doesn’t deviate much from this script: The City Council of La Laguna announced that the five cemeteries in the municipality will remain open uninterruptedly, from 8:00 to 17:00 today, on the occasion of Father’s Day.
Not even a trace of discussions about the role of fathers, about the education they need to improve the upbringing of their children, about the new challenges they face alongside mothers. José Luis Conde admits in this regard that he has had no further training to care for Leire and Aroa than “life itself”. But he has understood one thing very well: “You have to get involved in their education, live it with them, share activities, always giving them space and time.”
José Luis Conde and his daughter Leire González, on the Cho Vito promenade, in Candelaria. / Andrés Gutiérrez
Thanks to this, but especially to his advances in social media to better understand his daughters, he can be considered one of the new dads 4.0. For example, José Luis Conde takes dance classes with his youngest daughter, Leire, and also records fun videos on TikTok with her, his wife, Dory González, and other family members. The success has been such that on his personal account (_joseluiscl_), he already has over 15,000 followers and one of the videos, When mum is already a grandma, went viral with over 7.3 million views. “It was amazing, although there are two others that surpassed 34 and 16 million views.”
«I remember that as a child, the typical gift for fathers was a handmade clay ashtray. An ashtray, how curious…»
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José Luis Conde, who lives in Las Caletillas with his family and works as a crane operator, states that he doesn’t feel like a different father. “To be honest, many of the things I do are because my daughters ask me to,” he confesses while the sun blinds his view on the Cho Vito promenade, on the coast of Candelaria. Still, he emphasizes something essential to him: “We have to share fun moments with our daughters and sons; we have to have fun with them.”
That’s why he is so excited, as he himself claims, to accompany Leire to the upcoming urban dance competitions in the following weeks. Conde goes further: he has also decided to compete. He tells the story himself with some input from Leire. “My eldest daughter, Aroa, who is now 17, joined a urban dance academy called En Paralelo when she was young, and it has a branch here, in Candelaria. Then the youngest, Leire, who is now 12, did the same. The academy decided that in addition to the groups for minors and teenagers, there should be another one for parents. Last year I felt like joining but couldn’t due to work. This year, I could and I’m thrilled.”
While Leire González usually trains four times a week, José Luis Conde does it once. However, while his daughter will participate in championships for her age group, he will do so on behalf of the same academy in the parents’ competition. “On Fridays, when she finishes rehearsals, she waits for me because then it’s our turn as parents. It’s been a great experience. We will start the competitions soon.”
“Engaging in activities with them has allowed me to understand them better and significantly improve our relationship,” he highlights. Leire nods attentively while listening. This is the essence of the new father 4.0. There’s even an international program, developed by the Be Foundation, named as such. Its mission: to help parents strengthen their abilities to be significant players in ensuring the rights of children and adolescents.
José Luis Conde and his daughter Leire González. / Andrés Gutiérrez
The topics covered by this programme range from improving relationships between families and educational centres to involving parents in children’s activities, training in sexuality using appropriate language, promoting responsible use of technology, fostering healthy lifestyles, developing autonomy, prioritising self-care, and providing education that promotes coexistence, peace, and equality.
This father from Candelaria did not have to go through any of these programs to realize that he needed to share quality time with his daughters, have fun with them, and understand their worlds to advise them better. “The education we give to our daughters and sons should ensure that above all they know clearly what things can be done and what things can’t, what things are bad and what things are good. And to achieve this, we must understand their worlds, their complexities.”
This father from Candelaria did not have to go through any training program to realize that he needed to share quality time with his daughters, have fun with them
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José Luis Conde talks, for example, about technology. “There are contents that they should not access. In that sense, I think that parents should get involved and control the content they access. We have to monitor them, especially at the beginning, when they start their education,” he explains.
He knows other parents who do the same but does not dare to assess whether there are many or few. “In the parent group at the academy, there are in fact some dads like me. Each parent and each family has their problems, limitations, circumstances. I cannot say whether there are many or few who do this or that. I do what I believe I have to do. I understand that if other parents cannot get as involved in their children’s tasks, it is because they cannot, because they do not have time, because they need to work to ensure the economic stability of their loved ones.”
Something else that this man from Tenerife also emphasizes is “the need for children to understand their parents as well.” “My father, for example, was strict with us. He asked us to study. And that is also necessary: that daughters and sons know that the fundamental thing is to educate themselves to build a better future,” says José Luis Conde.
Leire does not know what she is going to give José Luis for Father’s Day today. “I don’t know yet,” she says with a mischievous look. An ashtray will not be. She usually gives him other handmade gifts with an artistic and authentic touch. Last year, she made a very special t-shirt with a message included. It will not be a cologne or a bottle of wine either, classic gifts for a Father’s Day that dates back to 1948 in Spain.
A teacher from Zamora, Manuela Ferrero, proposed celebrating Father’s Day that year coinciding with the feast day of Saint Joseph. The goal: for her students to “talk more intensively about their affection, remembering their sacrifices,” as the teacher herself recounted. Over the years, with the support of several shopping mall chains, they made the idea of Father’s Day gain strength and acquire the meaning it still has today.
According to statistics, each Spanish family spends an average of 60 Euros on Father’s Day gifts. Almost eight out of ten buy only one gift. Leisure and original experiences are the most chosen details now by the children. José Luis Conde jokes by saying that it is time for them to give him a car or a yacht. But then he gets serious. “There is no greater gift than getting along well with my daughters, helping them in every way I can, and seeing how they develop to become good people.”
