José (fictitious name) has been with Ana María and Santiago for four years. He has biological siblings with whom he meets on Mondays, and four foster ones, three of them older than him and with children. He feels them as if they were his mom and dad and he calls them that. He lives in San Juan de la Rambla and likes to read and study a lot. One of his favorite subjects is religion. This year he finishes primary school.
She has always liked children, both are social integration technicians and come from large families. In the case of Santiago there are 13 siblings and in the case of his wife, 9. “I don’t know if that’s why I need to have children around me,” says Ana María.
The couple had a friend who was a foster family and they became interested in the subject. It was at the beginning of 2018, with their three eldest and practically emancipated children, until at the end of that same year that they welcomed their first child “who arrived with the nougat and Santa Claus”.
Billy and Gema live in the neighboring municipality of La Guancha. Fostering was considered years ago but they didn’t give it any more thought and everything was forgotten. In their case, they have a 14-year-old biological girl and they always wanted to have more children but Gema never got pregnant again.
One day, at his workplace, the Sumas association, an entity that works in coordination with the General Directorate for Minors of the Government of the Canary Islands, offered a talk to raise awareness among all the staff, to tell them about the project of the Canarian Foster Care Program, ” and they captured me”, he confesses.
She told her husband and her daughter, who was 12 years old at the time, and they didn’t last, they said yes immediately. They began the training, passed suitability tests, tests, interviews, and presented the papers until they were confirmed that there was a girl who met the profile. The result: Julia (also a fictitious name) has been part of the family since September 2020.
The case of Judith and José Luis, from La Orotava although they live in Tabaiba, in the municipality of El Rosario, is different. In his case, his adoptive son -they have two other biological ones- they knew him since he was little because he lived in one of the centers for foster children where José Luis works and that was one of the reasons that prompted them.
The three couples have a common denominator: they already had biological children and despite this, for different reasons, they decided to take a very important step that reflects an act of selfless love for another person: opening the doors of their home to a new member. , specifically, to a minor who is in a situation of risk or helplessness and must be temporarily separated from his parents but who needs the stability and security that a foster family can give him, although he continues to maintain contact with his family whenever possible of origin as long as the superior well-being of the minor is guaranteed, since it is the main objective of foster care.
Unlike adoption, the foster family assumes temporary custody of the minor (the time will depend on the modality, since there are different types, and the duration of the measure) while the Public Administration, in this case, the General Directorate for Minors of the Government of the Canary Islands, holds guardianship, thus belonging to the protection system.
Currently, there are 104 minors in foster care in the Canary Islands, 65 of whom are in the province of Santa Cruz de Tenerife and 39 in Gran Canaria. However, there are many who are still waiting to be able to live with a new family that gives them the security and emotional stability they need.
The three agree that not everything has been rosy, because each child comes with his story, his life and his backpack “and that must be clear”, emphasizes Santiago.
The counterpart to all the difficulties and obstacles they have and have had to face is the great satisfaction that comes from being part of their advances, their achievements, and seeing how little by little they are fulfilling their dreams.
In addition, and perhaps this is the hardest part, families that take in a minor must be aware that if the biological family claims them, they have to return to them and that is why interaction between the two is encouraged whenever possible.
In this sense, the three couples emphasize that in order to deal with this situation, the training provided by Sumas is crucial.
“The fact of explaining and clarifying many things to you is essential, because it has to be clear that the priority is the interest of the minor, not that of the foster parents,” says Gema, who does not hide her complicity with Julia and laughs when she tells that people who They don’t know that she is their foster daughter, they emphasize how similar they are.
“Years ago my phrase was ‘what am I going to do when they take it away from me’, but the training gives you a twist and makes you not focus on yourself, but on the opportunity you are giving that boy or girl”, he specifies.
What she and her husband were clear about is that they wanted her to be smaller than their biological daughter, so that “she would not upset everything achieved up to then with her education” but rather that she be the example to follow, give her some habits, some examples , some rules. At the same time, her daughter wanted to be an older sister “so everything happened,” says Gema.
The twelve-year-old girl gets along very well with her adoptive sister but continues to have a relationship with her paternal family and her biological brothers.
The same thing happened to Judith, who had given birth shortly after welcoming her new son, “her hormones were at the top” and it was difficult for her to accept many things. That is why she insists that training “is key to changing mentality.” In addition, unexpected situations arise, the result of coexistence, doubts, problems and the support of Sumas is essential. In the case of minors who have some need for a speech therapist or psychology, they also receive support from the entity.
His foster son did not even have the notion and feeling of family because since he was 3 years old he lived in different centers on the Island. “The change on an emotional level has been enormous and it was a very important job, with him and with the whole family that he did not understand, for example, why the child did not greet him with a kiss”, they say.
Book of life
Before arriving at their new home, the boy or girl who is going to be fostered receives a life book that the foster family prepares with great enthusiasm. It is a publication with photos, information about their future parents, the things they like to do, their hobbies and if they have pets at home. And they in turn make one for their new mothers and fathers, a small presentation in which they say what they like and what they don’t like, their favorite foods, and everything that helps to have a better coexistence.
In the second meeting, the minor pays a visit to his future home, gets to know the house, spends a couple of hours with the family, while in the third they both enjoy a weekend together, until they finally settle in. However, this process depends on each case and always taking into account the characteristics of the child. “If we see that the first phase is very good, three more visits are not needed and the General Directorate already authorizes the foster care,” says Francisco Manuel Gordillo, a technician from the Sumas association.
Ana María and Santiago have seen the results with their children at the school level. “I feel so proud of what they have both achieved. And that has been thanks to the emotional stability and security they have”.
In the specific case of José, being with them “has reinforced his emotional side. He needed that understanding, that individualized support that educators in a center cannot give him due to many factors, including the variety of staff or shift changes.”
The other obstacle they have faced has been their families. Judith and José Luis were told that she “was crazy” and they asked her several times if they had thought it through. However, her example served to encourage her husband’s sister as well.
Ana María and Santiago received various comments and opinions, ranging from congratulating them on their solidarity action to questioning why they had done it, having already “brought up their children”.
None of them cared because they were clear about it and despite the fact that they have wanted to add family, friends and acquaintances, it is still difficult for them. Fear is still the biggest obstacle, which is why they believe that their experience can encourage many families.
“We are betting on the future”, emphasizes Billy, who is also committed to foster care as prevention, “because it prevents institutionalized minors from starting to take addictions, becoming early mothers and living together, educating them in values and giving them security and emotional solidity, it helps them grow as men and women in society.” At least there is a basis, since no one guarantees anything, because there are also normalized families that are not exempt that their sons and daughters may also have problems”, adds Ana María finally.
